It's a stalling technique, it's a distraction technique, and maybe will allow you to get out some feelings without hurting yourself. It maybe just means that you tried at least one thing before you acted.
I always felt that way too, I don't want to call because they'll tell me not to do it, and I really want to do it! I think just the attempt to do something instead counts for something.
Please be safe, and keep posting and get those feelings out!