Dream- as I am reading your post I realized I have memories little by little of csa but memories of verbal/physical abuse by my mother is almost non-existant. I have a few memories but I dont remember anything at all really. I do remember my reaction at times, tantrums, hiding and hurting myself, but what triggered the behavior I dont remember. I also do not connect those things I did with any particular event. That will be very difficult for me to access. I know there is a lot there but I will have to feel safe and comfortable enough to just talk and talk. What happens if it comes up and I feel so horrible that I want to SI or stop eating. As Im writing this it makes me feel like that already. How can I work on it? Its too much.