I just had a session with T-doc and we were talking about whether or not I was feeling any urgency over taking time off from work and getting back into it. I am not feeling that, but in the course of our conversation, I realized that I am feeling so much relief from my long long depression, that I am starting to do my old thing of wanting to do all the activities that I had lost interest in while I was depressed. I have a list of things a mile long that I would like to get back into. I realized that I tend to have an all or nothing attitude. If I can't do yoga 7 days per week, become a master, open a studio, practice in a heated room and transform my body into a long and lanky yogi, then I don't want to do it at all. I want to join s choir, become a soloist, get locally famous and then have Andrew Lloyd Webber discover me and write a musical just for me. So I am fully aware that I let my ideas run away form me, and I know that I have to hold back on things and learn moderation so that I don't get disappointed in not meeting these impossible expectations. I know that it is good to have dreams, but they have to be realistic and have workable goals.
When I was leaving the session, I was putting my next appointment in the calendar on my Blackberry. It doesn't go as far as a 7 pm appointment unless I enter it manually. I said, "So my Blackberry thinks everyone works from 9-5. I should invent a mom Blackberry that recognizes that I am never off duty. See, here I go again!"

Anyway, I suddenly recognized that my stability is being threatened by my hypomanic thoughts. As long as they are thoughts and not actions, I think I'll be OK. T-doc suggested that I make a list of everything I want to do, the pros and cons of each and then choose on or two activities that I can do in moderation, rather than deprive myself of everything for fear of going manic.

Interesting idea...I usually either deprive myself or go overboard.

Is it possible to control myself and not go into hypomania without depriving myself and therefore causing a depression? (which is often what happens because I start to think that I can't do anything because I wouldn't be good enough to meet my expectations?

My reasons for hypomanic behavior and the subsequent depressions are all very logical until I am out of control...

Anyway, I am rambling. I thought I had a question, but I guess I just wanted to write it here and ask what others have experienced in therms of being able to control this strange disease.