I am not even sure where to start, I read the boards and see the reflection of my life, yet I still dont understand , nor can I put it into words, lost, alone, in a fog, can I make it through this day,

Who am I what I am where did I go, where am I going, There is no hope, no goals, no future, I know the longer I sit here nothing is going to change, yet I never change,

Was it my child hood, was it my young married life becomeing a mom at 17, was it 17 yrs of living with an alcoholic, trying to be the best mom i knew how, a wife, trying to run a business, was it all the stress moving 12 times in 2 yrs and losing and widdling away everything that was real. Now I sit, not knowing where I go from here, where I want to go or if i even want to.

I know I am tired, tired of not laughing, smiling, feeling good, where did happy go, and why was it replaced with all the depression, the withdrawing from society,

I started therpy again, its not going well, im dignosed now with BPD . I have started cymbalta , taking risperdal, hydrozene....I am going to try ending the risperdal, sometimes I feel to zoned out, well see how it goes. dunno anymore.