Thanks everybody. I'm still feeling scared although a teen bit less freaked out than I was.

Bluemoon - yes I'm doing the treatment center's aftercare program one morning for a year, plus I'm going to an afternoon program that's just for women at the same treatment centre, so I'm staying connected. Plus I need to get reinvolved with AA more regularly.

I generally like EMDR and I've found the ego state work very effective at resolving other issues in the past. it's just that this time I'm very clear at which ego state it is and what she wants. I call her the witch, and she wants to be integrated with my other ego states. I've been fighting this integration for a long time or rather my other ego states have been fighting it. I know what's involved because I somatize all my emotions and my body memories have been really intense lately and getting harder to ignore. I kind of feel if I'm not going to lose the ground I made in rehab i have to do the work in therapy, but you all are right - i'll have to do it really slow. Fortunately my T really respects me and never pushes me, if I say I don't feel comfortable.

--splitimage