(((((((((safe hugs)))))))))
it sounds like you have been thru h*** and back. i am so sorry for all your pain. you're value isn't based on how abused you have been or not being abused now. it will take time to untangle everything. i'm sure it feels very confusing and scary to you. you can change. it will take time, but you will see changes. journal this journey so when you feel like nothing good is happening you can go back and see the progress you have made.
white iris