I think that it's fair to say that your husband has forgave you. I don't think a time difference would really make much difference, seeing how everything is out into the open. I can tell from reading your post that your sorry about the situation. Also he knows that your sorry. I'm sorry that you are frightened about your health. That would be really scary, but try to think positive about it. Times have changed so much with any type of illness, and who knows maybe you are ok. I wouldn't say that having a lump is punishment, it's just one of thoses things that can happen to any of us. My mother passed with brest cancer back in 1990. They did the xrays and all that, and they couldn't find it that way. The found it by drawing her blood. If they would have found it that way, she might still be living. You found something and you are going to take care of it. And just because someone has cancer, doesn't mean it's a death sentence. I also have a lot more relatives who have had cancer. They are all alive, and came out of it.