I've been on the pain meds for nearly four months, now. I am due to be in surgery at the latest: October/November, hopefully sooner. There is a chance that my spine is inoperable, but I don't know how large or small the chance is. I won't know until Wednesday after the surgical consultation. If it is inoperable, then it will be life long, and a wheelchair. If it is operable there's a fifty percent chance it will be life long, but fifty percent that it won't be is better than zero.

I think my BIGGEST ISSUE right now is that I can't stand the side effects of being doped. I can't think, I lose track of time, I sleep A LOT. I'd almost rather be in a moderate amount of pain that me doped out of my mind. At least I can think. Right now I'm in pain and not doped. I can think well enough to write this.

But my sister was on long term pain meds and became addicted. I'd rather not go there if I can help it. She was on meds for six months.

So, I'm nervous about it.