Confused, I'm glad you feel unstuck for the moment.

(underlinings mine) I think you have to be able to tell the therapist what you want to work on, otherwise, how are they to know? The client has to give the therapist something to work with. I can understand your therapist not knowing how to proceed if he doesn't know why you are there. When a person first goes to therapy, often during the first appointment, the therapist will ask, "what brings you here today?" What did you say at your first appointment when your T asked you that? Do you still want to work on that same thing? Or have you conquered that issue and are now wondering if you have further issues to work on? I think there is nothing wrong indeed from going to therapy with a problem, working on it with a good T, solving the problem, and then ending therapy. I think that's a good outcome!

I would suggest working YOURSELF on learning what you want to work on in therapy. You can do this by thinking about this question and by journaling about it. I think journaling is a great way to explore what is going on inside of ourselves. Write about what you want in life and how your days are unsatisfactory (if they are). Are you happy? If not, why not? Try to figure these things out with your journal and then go to therapy and tell you T, "I would really like to work on _____, can you help me with that?" I bet he would be really happy to have you identify what it is that is unsatisfactory in your life that he could help with. I bet he would be ready to jump in and help!

If this sounds too hard--I don't think what you want help with has to be defined in great detail. It could be things like: I wish I had more friends, I'm lonely; I'm shy and don't have good social skills; I always seem to end up pissing people off, I wonder if I need help with communication skills; my romantic partner is really mean to me, but I'm scared to leave; I cry a lot and don't know why; I feel empty--is this all there is to life?; I want to go back to school but I am a procrastinator and afraid I'll fail; my romantic partner just left me and that has happened 3 times in a row now, is there something wrong with me?, etc. etc. etc.

What I found is once you start working on something in therapy, a lot of other things come up that you work on, because often what you are having trouble with has so many underlying layers. For example, with me, I was in a marriage and was very unhappy with it but couldn't move forward. To help me move forward, my therapy took us everywhere: I started to learn how to tell people what I need and want, I learned to recognize what I was feeling instead of stuffing it all inside, I learned to communicate better and speak more directly and honor the words others had to say, I found "my own voice" (as my T loves to say), I began to see how I was very bad at setting boundaries, I recognized patterns from my childhood that had carried forward into my adult relationships. I learned all sorts of stuff I never knew I even needed to know, just because of wanting to move forward on my marriage.

So I think if you can just give your T a "handle", you will find lots of stuff to work on. But give him something to start. Use your journal to figure out what you want to work on. If you are happy with your life the way it is, then maybe there is no reason to be in therapy. And that's OK!

I think this is quite a different issue, that you are wanting your T to want you and to feel he cares (perhaps dating back to childhood feelings). I think he was trying to treat you like an adult and get you to take a more active role in your therapy. You are not a child, you are not forced to go to therapy and be with him. You are an adult and can make a choice about whether to be in therapy. I think his putting the ball in your court is really a sign of respect and not one of uncaring. He sees you as an adult who can make choices and he is treating you that way. Do you find that a challenge? Maybe you can rise to the occasion, figure out just one reason why you want to be in therapy, and go back to him and share that. That would be a triumph!

Could it be you feel this because he is putting more responsibility for the therapy on you?

I think this sounds really positive--attachment, trust--and you should stick with him. I'm sure he would like to hear your positive feelings toward him and your relationship. It sounds like he really could help you, but needs a starting point. Bring him a bone.... That's my suggestion!