Quote:
Originally Posted by writingwithink
For the few memories I have about my childhood, I possess no emotion. I've told my therapist several times that I feel like a monster inside because of this.
However, after recognizing the different parts inside of me, quick blips of scenes are popping into my mind almost daily (most pleasant, but a few not so pleasant) - all of them void of emotion (with the exception of two that have had accompanying "physical" feelings). There was one that was especially abrupt in content, but even more so in another way: it's the first time that within the scene, I was watching what was happening from the ceiling. Again, no emotion; however, it was accompanied by a "physical" feeling that started about two months ago and that just pops up out of the blue. I assume most people would consider this scene very disturbing. Anyway, I'm wondering if the way these "scenes" are just popping up all over the place is normal.
Also, my therapist has noted that things may become very painful, but I don't understand that because I've never had feelings with anything, not even the recent potentially "disturbing" scene. So how will it become "painful," and what should I expect? Do memories/scenes come from the parts and, if so, how does that normally happen? I just need to know what's going to happen; although, my therapist keeps reminding me that the process is unfolding even though we may not know how it will happen for me.
Finally, I've not told my therapist about this potentially disturbing "scene" because I don't believe it happened, and I'd never want to discuss something like that if it were not a factual memory. Never mind that it's unbelievably embarrassing.
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Writingwithink:
Upon reading your title there was, for a moment, a thought that you might want the process of memory laid out for you. It seems that is not the case, otherwise you could have looked online for that.
Your therapist has told you about 'the unfolding'. It seems that in our experience, process is very important. Perhaps the preparation is more about feeling cared for, comforted, feeling content, respected and loved. Who would want to address the ceiling scene if these structures of safety were not in place first.
Joining the feeling to the memory may in fact be the goal but how will your T help you do this if you don't say what the memory is? The impact of the truth of connecting the two may be incomprehenible or even silly but bad things have happened to people.
More importantly though, just establish safety, you deserve to be safe.
Take care,
Hunny
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