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Michah · Sep 14, 2009, 01:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paddym22

I am with you.........to me the search for unconditional love is a complicated matter as I do not know exactly what it means as I dont believe I ever experienced it as a child. It such a quagmire Michah, Yes I to would willingly live alone without contact with others but that is neither practical or realistic. So I have these relationships with people but they are only evolving as I evolve. There always seemed to be a trade off with love and loving someone in my past life, they wanted something from me or I could provide something for them, but as I am learning now my own needs were never met, so where was the unconditional love in that. Its a bitter pill we have had to swallow all these years, such a complicated life. But like you I will continue the fight and trust that there is something better at the end of this. It is through my own releasing of pain of the past and acknowledging my anger that will foster forgivness and set me free into a path of self love and then I will be able to love others more. My psychotherapist told me last week I needed to be more compassionate with myself, there seems to be something new every fortnight that I see him. So much to learn.....So much to do, but we will get there in the end, I just know it. I am rambling and not making sense, but you are not alone Dear Michah..................................

Ah Paddy.......it is so good to know you better........and I see much warmth in you.......even if you struggle to bring the darkness in to the light.......for me, it is the expression of love that I find difficult now........for after much hard work, I felt the seeds of self love which then flowed on to others.......but expressing it? Weeelll that is a WHOLE other kettle of fish

So, I started to think one day......."Okay, so now I have a better understanding of love.......but how do I show it?". People that I have studied(sorry if that sounds clinical, but that is kind of how I am) seem to have a "connection", a nuance to their love that is barely visible but is there if you are quick!! I asked myself "Can I pick the people who love unconditionally from the people who love untruthfully?" and I tried it and it worked!

I found the people who loved unconditionally made more eye contact, were intimate without touching, felt still in each others presence with no pretense.......it just felt "enlightened".

So how do I apply that? I asked my partner "even though I do not hug much nor seek your company, how do you know that I love you?" and he said "I just DO....by the way you look at me and your total acceptance of my spiritual freedom".........aaahhhhh!!! Light bulb moment

So I have probably gone completely off the subject but it is all a journey is it not? And it is not the seeking of love(for love, like happiness, is a slippery thing) but it is being "ready and receptive" to love.......the good and the bad parts........and it takes time my good friend.......for all of us....

Keep the faith sweet........you are already practicing it!!

Big hugs, babe

Michah

PS("compassionate" is a great word........your T sounds like they are on the ball.........compassion for selves is a struggle to practice sometimes.....I get that......it is difficult, no doubt)