Have you talked to him about where he sees this relationship heading? Nine years is a long time, but without communication the relationship will hit a wall.

I understand your discomfort, most people are not affectionate in that way past a certain age. A few days after my husband I and got married, we went back to his parents house to visit family members still in town from the wedding. His 16 year old cousin was sitting on her father's lap, hanging on him in a way that in my opinion would be more appropriate for a five year old. With my past history it made me sick to my stomach and I thought at the time that there was something wrong with them. But there was nothing untoward going on, they were just an affectionate loving family. It's sad that life has taught us that these things should be a warning signal.

My own children are in the middle, my adult children still kiss me good-bye whether we're in public or private. I've seen people raise their eyebrows when one of my sons (who are all a full foot taller than I) come up and put their arm around me and put their head on my shoulder or stand behind me when I'm doing something and give me a hug for no reason. I can assure you there's nothing inappropriate going on in my house. We're just a loving family.

Holding this all in isn't helping anyone, all it does is increase the resentment that you feel.