Thank you P7, Lynn and Lonegael.


I am not going to mess about with this tooth and cheek stuff. I have been taking painkillers and doing saltwashes and warm cloths etc. I am going to get to a dentist tomorrow. I have had a hectic day today because I had a meeting about this new flat and got given the keys, didn't know I was going to be given the keys or be moving in today, so nothing's packed and gahhhh! It's all over the place. But yeah. I'm going to a dentist tomorrow as soon as I can to get this tooth sorted.

P7, thank you for feeling proud to have me as a friend. I do try really hard to cope and to help other people, I think all you people here know I do. I just find it hard sometimes.

Lonegael, thank you. That really gives me a boost of confidence and pride.. If that makes sense.. I am used to telling myself that I deserve to be angry and I used ot hold it in alllllll the time, but now that I've been seeing a decent therapist and working very hard, I'm beginning to realise that I don't deserve half the s--t I get. I'm finding it hard to realise that, but I'm working on it.

Also, someone I know from the YMCA. He has a girlfriend, Kayla. I had never met her before but he always told me how she makes him soooo angry and how she always shouts at him, cries, moans and that nothing he ever does is enough for her.

Ha! Quite the opposite when I finally met her! Wonderful, pretty girl. Only 16, lovely personality, low self esteem, mental health issues, family issues and trust issues. She came to me because I have been through exactly what she is going through now and people told her that I'd be able to help. So, she came to me and I briefly told her my story and as I went along, stopped to let her relate and such and talk about her situation. As time progressed, he was showing his true colours and they were things that I didn't like to see.

He yells at her, pushes her around, screams at her, tells her to f--k off and calls her awful names, acting like she does everything wrong. He knows that she hates loud, sudden noises, that she hates shouting, that she hates people standing really close to her when they're angry. She hangs her head when he talks to her, she covers her ears and curls up in a ball when he shouts, she bawls her eyes out and begs him to stop but no, he just says 'f--k you'. He moves closer to her everytime she backs away and tells her what a useless piece of s--t she is.. Even in front of me. She reminds me of myself when I was abused and she does NOT deserve it at all. She does nothing for him to be like it. I'm fuming! I won't let him in my flat and I've told him if he's going to keep being like this, I'll have her stay at my flat to chill out and to just feel better and loved and cared about, unlike how him and her family make her feel. I've said that she deserves better and she needs support, not his bulls--t. It's not putting pressure on me, it's upsetting me I admit. But that's just because I know exactly how it feels and she just does not deserve it.

I have made a promise to myself that if i see him hit her, that'll be it. I will go to the police and I will tell them. I cannot and will not tolerate a 16 year old girl, or any female, being beaten up by her boyfriend or any male. Especially not in MY flat and in front of ME.

You know, all the times that he's made her cry, or yelled at her or done anything to upset or hurt her, she's run to me. I'll be sat in my bedroom or in the kitchen or somewhere else and she'll run to me, grab my hand and I'll cuddle her and just stroke her hair, her back, give her hands a gentle rub and tell her that I love her, that I care, that he's the one in the wrong and she doesn't deserve it and that I'll always be there for her whenever she needs me, day or night, morning or evening, I'm there. That's all she needs. Just a hug. A gentle hug, a soothing voice, understanding and even just a rub on the back, or someone playing with her hair, or just anything soothing. I know she's not a little kid, but she has problems and she's working on them with a therapist and with me. This is one person that I know I can help and that will accept my help and appreciate it and not use me etc. This is one person that I will NOT give up on. She couldn't speak to her mother when she phoned the other night, so I spoke to her for her and her Mother put on the fake water works to me and begged me to let her talk to her Daughter. I asked Kayla "Kayla. Please talk to your Mum, even just to let her know you're ok. Please?" She said no, she couldn't, she just wanted to chill out and relax, feel happy. So, I relayed that message. Fair enough, right? That's all I want to do. Is just help the poor girl. She deserves it, she deserves love and care. Honesty, a decent guy to look after her and love her with all his heart, do everything that he can to help her. I've said that if she can't have that from a guy, she gets it from me. I've been helping her with her therapy too. She says she can't tell her therapist certain things because they'll get social services or the police involved, but I have reassured her that fom my experiences of talking about abuse, the therapists I have seen have never involved any local authorities. I have told her she is safe. If she can't talk about it, write it. She has promised to try and that's all I ask.

Jeez, I just want this kid to be safe. Unlike I was. She's such a pleasant and wonderful girl and all she needs is some love and attention. She cut herself in my bathroom yesterday and did I yell? No. I guessed it could happen and when she went to the bathroom, I left her for a few minutes to calm down, then knocked on the door and asked was she okay? She said no, so I asked her to let me in. She said no and I told her I just wanted to give her a cuddle and make sure she was okay, so she let me in. Even though I knew what she'd done without seeing it, I still hugged her and comforted her. As soon as he saw her and knew what she'd done, he just yelled at her and treated her like s--t again. Yes, my flat is one place that I tried my hardest not to self harm, it was a new start and she self harmed in my flat, but I didn't care. All I wanted to make sure of was that she was okay.

Anyways, enough about that. I'm tired and my tooth's hurting AGAIN. I'll uhhh talk about this some other time.

Thanks for being here everyone..