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I obsess about being a liar & faker of my mental illness. I can’t stop. Now my pdoc has decided to re-assess my diagnoses, thru psych testing, records from other doctors, interviews and history from me. I’m afraid she will find nothing wrong, and tat will prove the intrusive thoughts have been right all along. I have had these diagnoses for 25 years & have been through a lot (hospitals, meds, shock treatments…) and my full time job has always been managing my illnesses. If I’ve wasted 25 years and tons of resources, I don’t know if I could live with myself.
The intrusive thoughts were bad enough; now that I’m going to be re-assessed I am 10 times as bad.
It feels like a lot of pressure. That is why I want to cut. To relieve the pressure.
But I don’t want to because of people’s reactions—mainly my families.
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I love your faults because they are part of you and I love you. --my BFF
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