I'm listening and I hear you.
I'm so sorry you both feel this way. I am concerned for your well-being.
Please keep venting and ranting if you can. You are doing the right thing by sharing how horribly crappy you feel.
I do understand, having felt the same at times, but I am not a professional so if you need to, call your T or 911. Please.
I wish I could take away all that is weighing so heavy on you.
Please stay safe...I care. I really do.
Petunia
http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/samaritans.htm