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turquoisesea · Sep 14, 2009, 09:05 PM

The troubles I'm going to talk about here may seem trivial, but they've been causing me severe emotional pain. They've been controlling parts my life and my relationships, and it really has to stop. But I don't know how

Any help, advice, and/or questions are appreciated. Thank you in advance.

The basic problem is my EXTREME JEALOUSY OF MY BF'S EX. How can I counteract my jealous feelings?

Background information:
My boyfriend and I have lived together in a studio apartment for about a year, and have been together for almost 2 years. I am 21, my boyfriend is 22. We want to live the rest of our lives together.
My boyfriend had two girlfriends before me. The first was trivial, the second he was intimate with. They were together for just over one year. She slept with someone else and they broke up. I came into the picture 2 years later.

Details:
I didn't really have trouble with it until we were apart over the summer. One day, for no real reason at all I realized what it meant that he had slept with his ex. Icky pictures came to mind and I sunk into a sea of jealousy. Just 2 weeks later, he called and told me he was going over to her house to make brownies late at night alone. I did NOT know they had been in constant contact the entire 6 months we had been together. I thought they never really talked anymore. I was already depressed at the time and went wild... since then he has cut off all contact with her, but only 1 or 2 months AFTER this happened.

I'm jealous that he was sexual with someone other than me. He was my first kiss, first boyfriend, first EVERYTHING so I have ZERO perspective on the matter. I feel like to understand I almost have to go have a relationship with someone else but that thought disgusts me too because I love my bf.

I have looked up everything I can online about her, my boyfriend is extremely open about it. I've seen old pictures, heard old stories. At one point in time I thought the more I learned the better I could understand but I can't seem to figure it out. I'm jealous that she seems successful, I'm even jealous of her inability to do things O.o ... EVERYTHING. I see horrible pictures in my mind - some I've seen online of her and him together, others totally imagined.

I don't know how to counteract these jealous feelings.

I KNOW I should be happy because he chose ME not her.
I KNOW I should realize that it was a long distance relationship, that he wasn't as close with her, that it was more about the physical than the emotional, that I wouldn't have WANTED that relationship.
I KNOW I should move on, that this shouldn't affect our relationship.
I know I shouldn't compare myself to her.

I've tried forgetting about it, tried saying to myself that I'm better, tried many things, but it's been going on for a very long time and I need HELP.

Thank you for reading