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Sep 14, 2009, 09:29 PM
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Member Since: Jul 2009
Location: Phoenix, AZ, USA
Posts: 2,779
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It really sucks, doesn't it. I hate it when I feel something I don't want to be feeling. But, feelings are very hard to control. The most we can ever hope for is to have the wherewithall to control our actions regardless what we are feeling.
Jealously occurrs basically because you are afraid. You are afraid that someone is going to take what is yours. Also, your self-confidence is not high enough to be secure enough in the relationship yet to fight off this feeling. It really has less to do with whether he's your first and you are not his first than it has to do with the fact that he was still maintaining contact with the girl who was with him before you. You are afraid that his interest in her might be stronger than his interest in you. Especially when the opportunity presented itself when you were away. It's because you don't know how you really compare to her in his mind. I know because I've been there. I always find myself wondering things like that when my husband and his ex and I are together for an occasion involving their children or grandchildren. Of course, now days I think, "What the HELL did he EVER see in her?!?" LOL
But, seriously, all it is going to take is more time. You simply need to keep telling yourself, he comes home to me every night. She might have had him once, BUT I HAVE HIM NOW.
From what you are saying, telling yourself these things aren't working for you. You are still having the feelings. I'm not sure I know how to tell you to stop feeling things. You could always use aversion therapy. The rubberband on the wrist thing. When you realize that you are having a jealous thought, SNAP that rubberband.
Do you have a T? This is definitely T stuff. I don't really know how to tell someone not to feel something. But maybe someone else here will know exactly what to say to you. I'm sorry if I wasted your time and a lot of space.
I personally turn these kinds of things over to my higher power. Whenever something is beyond my ability and I know I need it, I ask for it and surrender my will.
I would like you to feel comfortable, confident and treasure the relationship you have. I hope that for you. 
__________________
 Vickie
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