Sparrow - You're doing and going through a LOT at one time.....
The cig.s oh my, that in itself is a major.....
Worse than coming off street drugs....not joking - for real, big time.

plus I'm sure you noticed that it enhances the anxiety

Sounds like your body is no longer letting you keep things hidden or buried. That's why it's hitting you full force. And each time you try to do something to push it down it comes up three times as powerful.

I've always said this to myself "I have to go through it - to get passed it"
Meaning I've got to deal with this crap, like re-live, BUT see it as it is and say HEY ---- I didn't do this or that..... I'm at a point I can TRY different ways of dealing with this stuff little by little -

Then maybe as you deal with some of it, the other parts will back down a bit....

Just saying - heck I don't know anything....

I'm still here