Well, I waited all day yesterday for a response and still did not get one. So i sent her a 2-line email, telling her that she must still be too busy, and that it's understandable, but that it brings up bad feelings for me, and i am thinking to quit email.

She replied that she is working on a letter of medical necessity for me (she forgot to get authorizations for this year and didn't realize it until July. My insurance doesn't want to pay, so she has to submit an appeal and letter of medical necessity).

At first, i felt like a complete jerk for even saying anything about it. Total guilt. And i still do. But behind the guilt, I question what she's saying a little bit. She has known that she needed to do the letter of medical necessity for at least a couple of weeks now, and as far as i know, there is no real deadline for it (although it does have to do with her agency getting backpay). If she is being truthful that she couldn't respond because she'd been working on the letter of medical necessity, then why didn't she say so initially when she replied that she didn't have time to respond to my concerns? It would have made me feel a lot better to know that she hadn't just blown me off. I don't understand what reason she would have for not telling me this initially. A small part of me wonders if she's trying to make me feel guilty.

I know i'm probably totally over-reacting. But my t knows that email has always been super important to me in keeping a connection with her. We've talked about it many times, and she knows how badly i feel when she can't or doesn't reply. So i just don't understand why she handled things this way. It just feels like she could have easily provided the reassurance i needed but chose not to.

And, yes, this is a HUGE trigger for me. The not feeling important. Not feeling worthwhile. It cuts right to my core and goes back as far as my birth. This brings up alot of pain for me that i know is not about her, but is about me and how i feel about myself. It's just that my t knows this kind of thing is a huge trigger for me, so i can't believe she didn't take the time to write a couple of sentences to provide reassurance and let me know why she was not responding. I mean, yes, she let me know now. But not until after I'd stressed and felt hurt, and said something about it. So knowing now makes me feel guilty for having said anything. Had she told me what was going on, i would not have felt hurt OR said anything.

I don't know. Maybe i'm just wrong about all of this. This is a huge trigger for me. i can't think.