I went to my first t-interview appt. It was a very lovely place- graden-like and very alternative and soothing. I sat down and there was another person in the very pretty waiting area. No t was there and then 1 t walked in and there were now 2 patients. I was thinking, this doesnt seem good. 1 t and 2 patients and its almost 11:00. The t came out for the other patient went into a room with a glass door
. I cold hear every word! No one showed up for me. I sat and waited for 10 mintues...then I started to cry. I just put my head in my hands and cried like a baby. I left and felt.....really awful. Then I sorta felt myself shut down and barely remember what I did next- it was like in a dream. I went to a store....at some point I felt better and more present. I listened to my voicemail in the car. This t had left a message at 10:15 that she was not going to be able to make it to meet me by 11 and can I come in fri at 12.
I dont know what to think. I put my 2 yo in school this morning (not cheap) b/c of this appt and now I'll pay for it again fri? I paid for it on mon, tues and wed this week- and monday was a mistake appt, too. I dont want to see this t. I dont want to give her a second chance. I want to cry. I dont want to be so hard on somebody, but its my first impression and Im not feeling strong enough to give this t the benefit of the doubt. I dont even want to talk to her. I know I am probably being very unreasonable. I am hurt. I cancelled my (regular) t appt for thursday b/c I figured Im in enough therapy this week. But, the truth is, maybe I shouldnt go and hear her say things to me that make me feel even worse about myself. So...I'll reserve my insurance and go have lunch with my girlfriends tomorrow. What does anyone think- should I give this t another chance? I have 2 appts next week with t's that sound nice. Maybe I should look around some more. The ED place?
Early this morning, before all of this, I was talking to a couple of mom friends. I realised I have made such nice friends in the 1 1/2 yrs we've lived here. One friend even suggested her t to me (I dont want her t....not for me). And an ED place she knows about. Anyway, going out to lunch might be just as theraputic.
I am feeling a little better.....maybe I'll go do something for myself to make me smile
How does that sound, Sunny?