Waiting for T to respond to email has been traumatic for me too ever since I first started using email to communicate with T. The first T who gave me his email address was not very good at responding. I wrote to him and then had to wait until session to see what he would say about the email. And waiting after sending him something always made me crazy and I was afraid he would reject me or something because of what he hadn't replied to. Time after time, same thing.

My next T started out with email being the only way we communicated. She was so good at responding to questions and self-disclosures when I was a student in a class she was teaching. I'd always go home after class and email her (it was a distance class so there was no opportunity to talk to her privately any other way), and after the class was over I kept wanting to write to her and talked her into trying email therapy with me. That same worry when waiting for a reply took over again. She set one day a week that she would reply to me, and if she was late writing back, I freaked out. And I started freaking out if I wrote something and she didn't respond to it. The email got to be blown way out of proportion, and I started making the trip to see her in person, and email kept getting more stressful. Now it's been 5 years, and I still go to see her, and email is off limits. I can write to her, but she isn't going to respond by email. I guess that was how it had to be, because email was making things worse, not better.

So, anyway, there's something about email and T and flipping out, and at least it isn't just you, if that helps at all. It's just such an intense relationship, and that need for acceptance and to be ok is so strong. It's really hard not knowing, and if we have a part of ourselves that doesn't believe we are acceptable, that part feeds off of any doubts.