This topic reminds me of something that happened a few yrs ago. I was very depressed and my sister brought me back a little gift from the shop of a cartoon man holding up a sign that said 'some people make the world more special just by being in it'. At the time although i appreciated that the gift was a lovely thought, i honestly could not understand what the phrase meant because for me there are always reasons why a person is special/well thought of/loved etc. I'm ashamed to say it actually angered me because all i could think was - 'no that isn't true, what a gimiky lie!' - and i wished she'd not bought it for me. (yes i'm a horrid person.)Hi Abby.......no, you are not a horrid person.......I can understand how contrite that must have sounded to you at the time......and maybe that saying still does......and if a comment or saying sounds flippant, I often react with instinctive anger. I have little tolerance for seemingly "stupid" people or things, even if it is given with good intentions.......I guess it has something to do with "receptivity".......some days are better than others.

But I cannot fathom how unconditional love works. I don't understand how someone can love a person just for who they are. What does that even mean? And does it actually hold any real weight? Is unconditional love better than conditional love, because isn't it a better feeling to have earnt love than to have it always there and it be so, just because?Unconditional love is not the same as passive love.......IMO, there are still core values in love. Your core values, morals, needs and so forth must be respected and met. It is the ACT of loving that is unconditional.......it is to love for lovings sake. Now, when I speak of love, it does not always involve people. I use the term "unconditional love" broadly. It is love that cannot be any other way. It is love that transcends the physical.......it is love of the spirit, I guess.......and love of the SELF. I sometimes look at trees(I am a mad conservationist, and yes, I do hug trees). I never thought of how much I love nature since I was a kid. Now, nature does not love me back, nor does it care if I have core values or morals etc......in fact, it does not care that I am alive.......So how can I be so deeply in love with something that does not care if I exist? It is because I cannot be any other way......I love nature unconditionally because it is my passion, it is my life......nature teaches me HUMILITY in its unassuming majesty. So, is it conditional because it gives something back, like its beauty? No, because it does not understand condition......it just IS. I love it because I CAN. It matters little what it can give to me. I know that I love unconditionally when I am prepared to die for it. If I am not prepared to die for it, then it is not love for me. That is why I do not tell people or things that I love them very often. I cannot love in halves. That is not logical to me. People do not teach me humility on a general scale, in fact I am a raving misanthropist.......but the select few that I have chosen to love, teach me great humility and I respect them. But I do want to learn to love humanity for all its fear and violence and basic stupidity......just because I can. That is unconditional love. This is just my opinion sweets.......it has taken me a while to get to this point mind you..... I am still learning

I think it is very hard to self love if a person has never been shown that there is anything to love. I wonder if love is something that is innately in us from birth and something we all just need to 'find' again or is it something we are taught? Can unconditional love even be taught, or does believing it can be make it automatically conditional love? No!.......we are not born with love.....it is impossible as we are only born with instincts.......my belief is that love is a skill, more than an instinct.......it is a skill to love oneself......and the reason i think this is because love is taught by our parents......now, if your parents where like mine, they SEVERELY fell down in that area. "If you do not get top marks you are not good enough to love, and I(my mother) shall ignore you for days until you learn your lesson".......THAT is conditional love. So, I was taught that i would not be loved unless I was perfect, and watch out for flying objects and flying fists from mother dearest!! I learnt that i was not good enough. So my skill was self- loathing, not self-love.

I don't understand what is so bad about conditonal love. That is a love of choice. Surely that is better than unconditional love which i quite frankly don't understand because it has no basis/logic.There is still choice in unconditional love sweets.......I guess it depends on your definitions and far be it for me to question yours. And unconditional love has no logic for it is not a physical entitiy, it is unquantifiable, endless, it does not understand space or time......it is FUNDAMENTAL. A priest said to me recently after I had a dream of epic proportions(I will not go in to it here, but if you are inetersted I will PM you), "That maybe the dream was to start thinking from the heart as well as the head".......yep, I hear that.....I was ready to hear it

I know it is awful to say this because the people that tell me it really care and it sounds ungrateful especially as not many people do get the chance to hear it (perhaps i'm too indulged!) but i really don't like it when people say to me 'i love you' and when i ask why they just reply 'because you are you'. What does that mean? Who am i? I can't believe they truly love all of me, that'd be pure madness, and it leaves me thinking - do they even know who i am?