I think you are right. It is my past feelings. My t doesnt know what to do with me. And she cannot get close to her clients. At least not to me. If I dont feel, after 1 yr 5 mos that I can call her in a crisis, then something is wrong. I will always blame myself. And in a way, that protects me, too. If I see her as flawed, then who will help and protect me? Someone so flawed?

All of this is scary- but I did not cut tonight. Just this morning. I'll keep trying.....