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I'm not really sure what my problem is right now... Actually I do know what my problem is. I'm having such a hard time accepting my DID some times. I accept others with open arms pretty much, but not my own. I've spent so much of my life trying to make sure I live in the "real world" and convincing myself that all of the things that happen to me (seeing, hearing and feeling things) can be scientifically explained. Not through a dx of a mental disorder but some other reason.
I've been trying lately to accept my dx and see things for what they really are... Seeing the voices, blackouts, noises and feelings as part of the DID and schizophrenia. Some days I accept this but some days I don't. Even after and alter comes out I still sometimes have a hard time accepting this.
I've always tried to ignore the "strange" things that have happened in my life. I've always tried to cling to others idea of reality in hopes of not losing my self and not going absolutely crazy. Now that I see that DID isn't crazy at all, I'm still having a hard time letting go of the part of me that is afraid. I found myself last night (I believe after an "alter" came out) slipping back into the denial part. Telling myself "This is never going to work. You will never be able to accept it and you will never be able to give up your hopes for a 'normal real life'".
I accept and love my "alters" but at the same time I feel I will never be able to willingly give over the body and go into a place unknown to me. This is my purpose for therapy. To be able to co exist with the others. But every time I try there is always the idea in the back of my head, the denial. I don't know how to over come this! I don't know how to accept my DID and stop being so afraid when I know there is nothing to be afraid of!
Will someone PLEASE help me? Tell me how you accepted your DID? Any kind words, any hopeful words or advice in any way?
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