Hi Kris,

Welcome to pc.com. Sounds really tough right now with so many kinds of input. I'd be confused and worried if I got so much sights, feelings and sounds.

We do not speak of our "religions" here. I do not advocate my spiritual beliefs here, but do mention God because He is part of my abuse past and my abuse recovery. I had relatives who "worshipped satan". they were cruel freaks who did horrible things to children in a quest for spiritual power and perversion. things they did to me left me open to some very negative spiritual influences which could produce feelings and fears and lots of scary crap. God, the only real God we know of has helped us begin to deal with the effects this horror had on me as a small child. SO...ALL of this is to say that some of what troubles you may be spiritual....demonic basically.

I CAN ONLY SPEAK AS A BROKEN-HEARTED SURVIVOR - I'M NOT A PROFESSIONAL SO I AM ONLY SHARING MY PERSONAL STUFF.

As others have said it may be good to seek a bit more information or another psychdoc to be sure of your dx. Getting a wrong dx and I got at least 1 hurt my progress, slowed my recovery and damaged my trust which messes with my head too.

Feel free to go slow and careful and at your own pace. Don't let anyone push you or railroad you into their viewpoints. There are some "wounded healers" out there who unconsciously choose psych work because they need help and the help they give clients can be toxic or inaccurate or warped.

Keeping supplies by the bed for anyone to write or draw to you is a cool idea. Some people make a journal and make sure that everyone hears where it is kept and all use it to begin to converse inside with alts and littles inside.

Last thought and then I'm crawling off my soapbox and into bed since i did not sleep last night. RECOVERY TAKES LONGER THAN WE WISH IT DID. PLEASE BE PATIENT WITH YOURSELF AND THOSE YOU HEAR. The kinder you can be to yourself, the better things will be. I literally "talk to my head" outloud, when nobody is there with me (i've got enuf problems without that getting out) It has helped make things better for us all. There's more trust and comfort and safety for us all this way.

Keep coming and write whatever you need to say and enjoy the support and share your wisdom with others too. You have your own story to tell and there are NEVER two people who dissociate exactly the same way. It's very interesting, but you can't take anything for granted! See Ya,

Leslie and Pixies