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My strongest suggestion is to give yourself permission for this to take all the time it needs. I think many of us go back and forth with acceptance and denial. This isn't a common coping mechanism.
And whatever caused us to have to grab at this way to survive is scary and produces fear.
It sounds like you are really doing pretty good. Up and down, back and forth is just part of the deal. One day at a time is all we can do. Some strong days and then some confusing days. It's all OK!
Judy and Company
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However confused the scene of our life appears, however torn we may be who now do face that scene, it can be faced, and we can go on to be whole.
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