(((((((Kiya))))))), thanks for that article you posted in the other thread. I suspect the author had Alan Watts' invite-your-depression-in-for-coffee recommendation in mind when she wrote that. [Found the original here.]

Very well put, I'd say.

Let me simplify what I'm about to say next by ruling out purely mundane and practical situations such as "I need someone to sell me a pint of blueberries." Practical matters aside, when I find myself thinking/feeling that I "need" a particular person in my life or that I "need" a particular kind of support or inspiration from any of several people, it usually turns out (eventually! lol) that I've really been looking for someone to distract me from what Connolly calls longings. What I may really have been wanting at the time -- which hooking up with a particular person and/or fantasy might have served to distract me from -- could have been (for me, anyway) something like a sense of connection, of being on the same wavelength, of speaking the same language, of really being able to hear someone and/or having room to express myself and be heard. Although at one time or another a particular person -- not necessarily the same person each time -- could help provide the occasion for hearing and being heard, what really turns out to matter (in my experience) is not the exact person I happen to find myself with, but what I happen to be ready and willing to bring to the party. Sometimes my most important interpersonal skill turns out to be the ability to get (myself and what I may see as my "needs") out of another person's way and invite them to do their thing.