Sorry to hear that you are going through so much angst and pain right now. I disassociate when I am having panic attacks. I have recently learned the nature of them and what happens, after a lifetime of not understanding it is starting to come together.

For me it is my minds way of protecting myself. When the anxiety/panic gets to that level a protective part of me comes in so I don't lose it completely. A few weeks ago I was with my therapist when it happened and she was the one who realized that I dissociate and heard the voice of the frightened child that never got the help she needed when she was young. It was this begging voice to make them go away. I was quite frightened when I realized what was going on but happy that my therapist was not judging it and just wanted to help me through it.

If you are not in therapy please find someone to work with, a professional can be a huge help - it takes time but as I am working through the process finding out that it is important.

Medication has also helped me out. It gives my body a way to start to calm down so that when I am going into the attack I have some help to not feel like I am completely freaking out.

Keep us updated...most importantly know...they will go away which it never feels like they will and BREATHE!!!