i dont even know where to begin. I think I'm losing it. . . Hubby is the one who said in the first place that I should go inpatient no matter what the cost. Well, soon my work and T were saying the same thing and yesterday my work and T had a meeting with me and I got paid administrative leave and then short-term disablility. So I am off work for 45 days and trying to get into the hosp. I had a phone intake today and found out that my part after insurance will be like 13,000!!! My credit union said that they will loan me 10k and the payment will be pretty low, so I called hubby to tell him because he said he wanted to know right away. well, he just got really mad and said, no way, I'm not signing for that, I don't want any debt. So, wtf!!!! I started this whole process at his urging and we have just been fighting non-stop. One minute he says I should go and the next he says he's nervous and doesn't want the debt. . .He turns everything I say around and then we got into a big fight in the garage and he was just misunderstanding everything I was saying and being so mad so I said please stop, I'm too fragile and he just laughed at me and I just hit my head on the washing mashine and he said "yeah, hit your head, that's good, do it! do it! yeah, harder, harder!!" and so I just hit my head so many times and then he kept saying to do it and then he said "here, I'll do it too" and just slammed his head into the washer.
I went inside to leave and our seven year old son was in the bath and when I went in there, he was curled up and crying and said "I heard loud sound that were scary and yelling and I'm scared" He has never heard us fight like this before! everything is so out of control and now I don't even know if I can pull off going inpatient. . .except I think It might just save my life right now. . .