|
my list of fears is painfully long. I've always dissociated ALOT to get through life but it's hurting me to do that. I'm sitting paralyzed by the fear and pain and everything else. It's like chains holding me down but all I'd have to do is walk out the door to change it.
Just everything presses presses down on me. So much it hurts, so I hide hide hide like I have all my life. I'm so scared. Terrified. Can't even think because so terrified. I don't even know what I'm afraid of sometimes.
<------possible trigger, violence
Right this second I'm scared of becoming a monster I can't control, watching my own hands hurt something especially one of the cats... and sometimes it's ME doing it not someone ELSE because we're together now but NO I hate it... can't stand I did that but that part of me that IS me now does and we're the same we're not separate so it's ME, it's ME who's the beast and monster... monster monster in the mirror
<--------end possible trigger
hide
hide
hide
always hide....
__________________
Yesterday I was so clever, so I want to change the world.
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself.
|