My friend seems to be attracted only to emotionally unavailable persons.

This woman, who is 33, had an extremely difficult childhood. Her father spent most of her childhood in prison. Her mother was a drug addict whom she last saw at 8 (except for one brief encounter when she was a little older, when her mother offered her crack). She was raised by grandparents until she was 8, and then by a stepmother, the latter of whom was strictly religious but showed little love for her. She ran away from home multiple times, succeeding for good when she was 14.

At about the age of 18, she married the epitome of an emotionally unavailable man who did not really love her, and had a child. By about 20, she was a high school dropout, was stuck raising this child, weighed 250 pounds, and was working in a fast food outlet.

She has since absolutely turned her life around. She divorced her husband, and has successfully raised her daughter (a great kid). She has lost half her body weight. She found a job at a high tech firm, then decided to put herself through college, earning a degree in philosophy. She currently has another very good job in the high tech/ computer field.

However, the big area in which she seems to still have problems is that she still finds herself attracted only to emotionally unavailable men. Men who "frustrate the hell out of her."

For complicated reasons, I have found myself attached/attracted to her. On an intellectual level, she recognizes me as the "perfect match," says she would like to commit, etc. But, also says she just is not physically attracted to me. She recognizes there is something wrong, is willing to work to change it, and, as described above, has in fact successfully worked through similar serious problems in other areas of her life.

I have done some reading on this. There appears to be a pattern in certain women who were effectively abandoned by their parents, and especially their fathers. They only feel like they are in love with someone who arouses feelngs of insecurity in them.

Does anyone have any knowledge/experience of this? Or can point me to sources for further information?