I readal your responses. Vickie I would love to be able to with draw my retirement . Not sure I would travel though.

PS. I have no retirement.....

I thought about taking a short vacation . Tjats what started this downward path.

The last time I did It was to the beach and I had my Dog thank goodness. It was the first vaction I planed and wen;t by myself .
It was lonely really .

more so than being here in town. For some reason looking at art or doing some others things woud make me be more aware of my aloneness.because most people do things with others not alone.
yet im used to doing things alone have for years,

If you can understand that

I know if I go on a vacation It wouldn't fix the wish for an intimate friend. to share it with.

and I can't conjure one up and they take time to develop.
Im not the kind of person who just hooks up .

Not sure Im making myself claer right now.

Sky , your post is vert up beat and caring , Thank you. made me for get my sadness for a bit. And yes there is this a[rtness when one gets ill . separation .

Im aware of it more . It used o be my eating dosorder, that now pales i comparison,

I'm just so vulnerable right now , not the time to begin a relationship but I think it may be what I need health wise. .

I exposed my self already .. don't see myself doing it again.

Junerain. I did pick up one of your messages on my new phone. I don;t have the energy to program this new phone, Im not meaning to reject you .

I love your heart picture.

I'm not feelinh my usual esteemed self for some reason.

it coud be loking back at al what was biend writen about me by a teem of terapists.
I was being talked about as some dagnosis ,Not a person. not me . very littleaws known about me .

I just didn;t share it then,

iI just wish I had a husband and family.a boy fireind right now.
And most all the ones in my online cancer groups have that
and thats whats most important in life,



I wish I could explain what Im experiencing right now.

You have to be there I think .



I know Night bird knows..



I wonder how Night birds doing...




.
Patricia