My 77 y/o dad is in a nursing home. His psych. has him diagnosed with late onset Alzheimer’s, Parkinson’s & Bipolar Disorder. His memory is still rather good and the Parkinson’s is in the early stages. The history my sister and I have had with him has been rocky to say the least. Despite the fact that I have an anger problem, it has been several months since I’ve lost my temper with him. Until yesterday.

Yesterday morning, the social worker at the nursing home called me. She said someone from Daddy’s church had called and wanted to know if it was OK if Daddy went out of town with them to eat out. She said they would be back late and wanted my opinion about him going. Because Daddy takes so much meds and because he would be late coming in, I asked the social worker to ask Daddy’s doc about it.

When she called me back, she said the doc had advised against it. She also told me that Daddy’s church wanted me to be the one to tell him that he couldn’t go. Well, that didn’t go very well. I have a problem with my memory & when I get angry I can’t recall everything that happens. Daddy and I wound up getting upset with each other. I do think some of it was my fault.

I don’t know whether I should have even gotten involved in that. In my opinion, the church got it started and they should have taken responsibility for it. They know about Daddy’s problems and that he takes a lot of meds.

A few years ago, something similar happened with this same church group. For some time they had planned a trip to Branson, MO. Of course my dad was really looking forward to going. The closer it came time for them to go, they decided that nobody wanted to take responsibility for my dad and help him with his meds. Of course Daddy was upset.

In order for Daddy to go, I told the church group that I would go with them and help Daddy. I said I would even pay my own way. That still wasn’t good enough for them. It’s a group for seniors and I wasn’t old enough. If they let me go, then they would have to let everyone else, despite their age go. To me, that was totally beside the point. The only reason that I asked to go was to help Daddy.

Yesterday, I ended up telling my dad how sorry I thought his church was. Of course he didn’t like that & I know I wouldn’t have liked it either if it was happening to me.

The thing is, when stuff like this happens, I go back to my childhood and remember how I was treated. I had at least 4 friends at different times in my life that Daddy forbid me to be around. Daddy was very controlling. It had occurred to me to ask him how would he like it if he was forbidden to have his friends. But I haven’t said that to him.

I would appreciate some input on this. Thanks.