thank you so much for all your love and support, guys .

i am doing better today. i actually slept for 7hrs last night, so that helped. i haven't slept for more than 2hrs since my doggie passed away. i saw pdoc yesterday morning - i had rung him while he was driving to work and he was kind enough to find me a spot even though i had cancelled the day before. he's nice to me. but he told me to take some meds to make me sleep, so i did that and it helped.

i dont really know what happened last night. ive never done something like that before. it just happened, i dont know how. im really disturbed by it. i could understand if it had been a strand by strand thing, but just handfuls (literally) being ripped out at once. i dont get that. it makes me feel really gross, the thought of it makes me gag.

i didnt call pdoc/austin t because i am in control again. the report of what happened can wait until i see them next. i will be ok tomorrow. i might call austin-T on monday to double check that i have an appt with him next week. even hearing his voice or getting a txt will be nice, i think.

i am really not sure what happened. i have a lot of bruises on me and scratches all over my neck and chest and arms. i dont remember doing that, but no doubt it was all part of this weird frenzy.

ive just never lost control like that. i dont get it. can someone relate or explain? where did that come from? i remember most of the events leading up to it and stuff, but ive dealt with worse before, so i just dont get how it happened.

im going to bed now (midnight!). i feel very distant from everything, but i appreciate so much everyone replying here.