Quote:
Originally Posted by notme9
Peaches, I get everything that you're saying here. I know how it feels and I have had similar reactions.
However, just recently I've been getting better at stepping back when these things come up and trying to keep it in perspective rather than letting it take over the entire relationship. Has she been kind, caring, attentive to your needs generally speaking? If so, then maybe she was just imperfect here, had a mis-step, didn't respond in the 100% perfect way that you were looking for...but that doesn't necessarily mean that all the other caring that she's shown doesn't exist any more, right? I guess for me, it's been shifting from focusing on the ways my T is not doing enough/is failing to meet my needs (because, let's be honest, sometimes she doesn't meet them all), and instead focusing on all the ways she has tried to meet my needs and show me caring (when I look at a list of all the caring and considerate things she's done for me, it's really hard to deny that she does in fact care).
Just my thoughts, and I hope they don't come out wrong. Like I said, I've been exactly where you are. I hope you can talk it out with her tomorrow and get some reassurance that she does still care about your feelings.
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Hi Notme,
You made a really good point about trying to look at what my t is doing right, rather than what she does or says that bothers me. I honestly think she is a great therapist, and i know that most of the time when i get triggered, it is about the "past" more than about what she is doing in the present. I try to talk myself out of being upset. But when to says or does something that reminds me of the past (such as even a little thing that feels like a brushoff), i immediately go into this hurt/fear mode. That fear of rejection makes me unable to see clearly what is happening, and then i tend to think my t is doing the exact same thing my parents did when they ignored my pain or needs. So i hurt terribly and then put up walls. Somehow, i've got to keep my adult mind intact when these triggers happen.