I think you have addressed many of the issues that you are actually confronting - that the jealousy stems from your own feelings of insecurity. The question is how to deal with that. First, are you getting support from your husband and family in general? It is ok that your husband tells you to get a handle on your feelings re: this matter, but is he otherwise supportive? Your insecurity stems from somewhere and you need to figure out where it comes from and why. When my husband and I first met, I was very jeolous of his relationship w/his sister. Their mother had died when they were both young and he felt extremely protective towards his sister, overly protective. All my friends and family noticed it. I knew my jeolousy stemmed from my own insecurity, but it was his actions that brought it out. I never really said anything to him and eventually I became the most important person in his life. He still caters to her a little too much, but now I realize it is mostly out of pity. I truly no longer feel any jeolousy. Don't be too hard on yourself for feeling this way. These feelings are emerging for some reason and you need to investigate why so you can change it and feel happier.