It sounds like a lot of my own behaviors. I always worried about doing something wrong, messing up, ruining things...and I was always trying to protect myself from the pain of what I perceived would be my inevitable failures. It's a fear that if you allow yourself the joy, that something terrible will happen. That once you feel good, your guard is down and you can't be prepared for the awful things that will follow so you don't let it happen. Or even that it's wrong to feel good...selfish...and selfish is the worst thing of all to be. But that's me. Does any of that sound familiar to you? Maybe finding something wrong protects you from enjoying the good that will surely be taken away from you if you allow yourself to have it. Anything like that?