Lately I have been going to therapy and feeling like I need to cry and cry, but I don't, I hold it all inside. Sometimes the tears will come but I don't let them flow, I swallow, and hold back really, really hard.

In session this week, just before it was over I felt like I wanted to start balling and just run out of there. The thing is, I really like my T, and she has always been very patient with me. Though sometimes I can imagine how frustrating it must get at times waiting for someone to open up and them not doing it.

She doesn't push me. She is warm and kind. I just don't get it. I did all out cry one time and she was really good about it so I don't know why I hold back so hard from allowing myself to do that again. It's not like I don't trust her.

I realize that I can't even talk about really painful things because everytime I do, I start to feel like I am going to cry and it's like I can't handle that. Like deep down there is this fear that if I really let go, I will lose it, lose control something.

Since I did it once and was able to stop, the reality is, I won't lose control but then the one time I did really cry, I buried my face in the arm of the chair and was sobbing, could barely breath, would'nt look at my T ect....but I stopped, I got myself to stop.

It's frustrating me because its stops me from talking about things that I feel like I really need to talk about. Why does being vulnerable have to be so hard? How do you overcome it?