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This is a good thread. I look forward to seeing other responses, and I hope that you find relief.
For me, I can’t let go for so many reasons: 1. There’s a part inside of me devoted to maintaining “dignity.” 2. I will not let myself go there until I feel that my therapist is not going to abandon this journey. 3. To do so would open up a vulnerability that I can’t imagine. 4. Just when our father finished beating us, he’d then beat us for crying and wouldn’t stop until our sobs evaporated.
That being said, I understand your feelings of wanting to or needing to release it all and I hope that you will find a way.
Peace to you.
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