I am feeling rather sad and dejected right now...well I have felt like this for the longest time.

Here is my long list of compliants about why I don't enjoy life:

> not married
> no bf
> no bf on the horizon
> no children when some of my classmates have families
> only one friend that I am just starting to get to know but there is an age gap of 10 years (me being the older one), her idea of a good time is going to church or having a ladies night where we play board games...etc
> oh did I mention I only have one friend? The rest of my "friends" are my brother's friend's parents that are in their 60's and 70's
> I have no job and I am currently looking for part-time work
> I lied just now to my young friend who invited me to a ladies night of board games...I went last Christmas to one of these types of get togethers and it was about as exciting as watching paint dry (I am not exaggerating!)
> both of my parents have passed on
> my brother wants nothing to do with me because of my bipolar disorder...hospitalizations...ER visits...him having to take care of my personal affairs while in hospital...being called out of important business meetings by police and hospital...etc
> I cannot seem to keep my home tidy it does bother me that my place is a mess but I lack the motivation and desire to keep it tidy
> I only go outside to go to doctor's appointments, grocery shopping, and to do errands...otherwise I am at home with my dog and reading a book or surfing the internet
> I feel lonely, sad, angry, dejected...etc all the time
> I feel empty and dead inside...
> I want to stop feeling paranoid about life and ppl
> I don't want to be on medications anymore because they have lowered my metabolism down to the point it doesn't work anymore
> I have to turn down invitations to holiday dinners in order to avoid my brother because I don't want to have to deal with the emotions I would feel being in the same room as him
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How do I get a life? How do I stop feeling so freaking lonely and desparate for affection? How do I stop being so paranoid about life and ppl? How do I stop worrying myself sick about my health...I tend to think I have a new disease or disorder every other week?

HELP!