It just occured to me ..
that all this runing around

that I don;t have my affairs in order.

No will

911 is my emergencey contact.

I don;t know where my life insurance policey is

I know my brother is on the policey

but based on his not contacting me.. after i tild him I have cancer

and based on how he has treated me ovee the years I thik its best as of now to not let him know what happens to me from this point on and to not have him on my policey

Im not sure who shoud be responsible for al this carp of mine ,

and my therapist mentioning why do I want to get meds for ADHD.do I want a..

BOOST?

and boy ..

my gp doctor when I tried to talk to her about how I was so frustarted with not geting help for meds.
her response was to make sure i got to the emergencey roon if I felt like hurting someone else or myself.

at this point

i wish ,.. the people I interact with would just npt say this to me ...

i wish someone would se me as whole

not as a diagnosis

a label thats my wish

I wish I were not so forthcomming

Im thinking shpould I cash in my 3000 dollar life insurance for a 1000?

it woud be responsible to not and to designate someone to take care of my mess.

but I don;t know who shoud do that.
I was thinking maybe I should find out

what happens to homeless people when they die

I mean any of us could get injured .
Im not ready.

and right now this all sadens me greatly


I feel so ineffective

that all Ive done is so selfish and sef centered ,

just grabing grabing

I have so little ..
yet i cling to it.

I don;t like loking at what the end of my life would be like as it exists today.

Patricia