First I want to say Welcome because I do not beleive we have me before and if we have, pardon me because I have no memory. LOL

I have been in your shoes and from time to time my depression will sneak back up on me and put me in that same frame of mind. However, I do see a Therapist and I take medication for my depression so it helps a great deal. I think your actions here say alot about you. Your need to feel better. You love your kids and want to see them grow up. That is good. You come here to vent your feelings. That is good. See that is the first step.

Do you currently see a Therapist? If so, I would discuss these feelings with him/her. If not, you can either check your insurance for one in your area or contact your local Mental health Services through the county in which you live. All counties have mental health resources and accept patient on a sliding scale fee. I see a Therapist through the county because my insurance "STINKS". So I pay out of pocket but the rewards are well worth it. I think that should be your next step.

Hang in there. It will get better. Sending hugs and peaceful vibes your way.

Jen