welcome to the forums......you will find alot of compassion and many good people here......i relate to all you say as i've been fighting the ocd monster for 30 years......i was on prozac for many many years and it helped tremendously so please use meds if they help....no reason to have to live with the craziness of ocd if meds help....i went off the prozac because of the side affects.....i got tired of feeling "emotionless"......nothing ever bothered me even if it should have.i feel better being able to "feel" even if the feelings are not so pleasant...the one compulsion that has returned without the meds is the counting.....boy! even though it relieves the compulsion...don't ya just hate it???????lol...anyway....you are far from being alone.......if i can be of any help to you or you just want totalk...feel free to contact me.....julia