((((((((((Angel)))))))))))

I have gone through a VERY similar situation (mind you it wasn't with a T, but I think this still applies).

I completely understand your thoughts behind it being easier to hate her... but coming from experience (actually convincing myself I hated this person)... it only adds to the heartache. Because underneath all this hatred, lies even more deep-rooted sadness. Convincing yourself you hate her is just essentially a way to avoid dealing with how you actually feel. And while for a little while this protection method actually works, once it stops... well the pain just comes back even more strongly and you are left to deal with the remains either way.

Because this is a relationship with your T, I'm POSITIVE that she has had other clients come in with stories that may appear to a random person as "crazy", BUT the difference is, this is a T, and I would be really shocked if she ever thought that of you. So my opinion, if you should want it, is to just talk with her. Tell her all that you are hiding inside of you and just get it out there. If your T is who you really think she is, she will not judge you... and I'm sure she will just want to help you through whatever it is that you are struggling with.

Whats that saying about a butterfly - if you try to hard to hold on to it, it will fly away or be harmed?

If you try and hold on to (protect) your relationship with your T too much, the opposite will most likely happen (i.e., the relationship will experience strain in some respect). So instead of trying to remain in complete control (by protecting the relationship, OR yourself by becoming angry), just experience it as it is, and trust that your T will understand and stay with you.

Sending lots of hugs