OMG Thanks so much for all of the replies and hugs and support. I feel so amazing from all of your caring for me.

The update is: The flat tire t left a message for me. SHe was very apologetic again and said she felt badly about any inconvenience it caused me. She actually cared about me. She doesnt even know me. She moved other pts around and can see me either tues at 9 or thurs at 10. Thurs would have been perfect except I have a meeting with teachers for my 5 yo. at that time. Tues I had an appt with the vacationing t. I happen to run into my friend who referred me to the flat-tire t and I told her the story (she knew about the reiki-t cancelling, too). She thought I should give her another chance b/c in all her years seeing her she never cancelled. I thought Id cancel the vacatoning t's tues appt but the vacationing t called me to cancel!!! We set up an appt for next monday (I will call today to cancel my current t appt for monday). So...I left 2 messages for flat-tire t that tues is good but I havent heard form her yet. I feel better. And when I came home and saw all the replies it made me feel so much better, too.

I have this sad, nagging feeling inside of me. I think it is sadness and disappointment at my t. How can she be so indifferent? Id like to think she wasnt completely indifferent, but she seemed angry at me. There was a lot of silence on the phone, I was next expecting her to say, come on, moon, grow up! Are you coming in or not? That was the tone and I know her, that is her attitude toward me. When I asked her what did she think if I should take a break or not, she said, "I want you to make that decision." She didnt seem like she cared either way. She said, "either you can come in once a week or you can take a break, but whatever you decide please let US know by wednesday." She said this maybe 2 or 3 times and each time she used the word US I felt like she had never really had the kind of relationship with me that I wanted. The only "us" would be her and her secretaries." So....she wants me to talk aobut it with the secretary. My taking a break is purely a scheduling issue. That "us" really hurt. I Feel much better when I get angry about it. And then when I sit quiet I am sad and hurt and its all past feelings. And I feel a lot of pain. It helps the pain to type it out here and know you all will read it. You understand me and Im not sitting alone with my very sad feelings. I am hurt b/c I wasted a lot of time with this t and I did it b/c of how I was treated as a child. I take crumbs and call it caring and love. But I listened very differently to my t when she was talking and her tone made my heart sink b/c I witnessed in real time what I was afraid of all along. I felt so disappointed in her.

OK- I'll stop rambling now.....your responses made so much differnece to me this afternoon. I cant even express it in words. Thank you is not enough.....