Quote:
Originally Posted by hangingon
I think deep down that if I cry it will give my T satisfaction; the satisfaction that I am finally opening up in front of her and somehow I don't like that thought. Is that crazy or what? What's wrong with letting her feel like she is doing a good job? Maybe this is just all intertwined with not wanting to because of the way my dad made me feel. That and the I'm a big girl and I don't need anyone, I can take care of myself  Which I know deep down is not true, we all need someone. |
hangingon
When I cried in front of T, she didn't even acknowledge that I was crying, until I reached for a tissue - then she practically jumped out of her chair to hand me the box of Kleenex.
And then when I acknowledged that it was my first time crying in therapy, in front of her, she didn't make a big deal out of it, but gave me such a warm smile - I don't know if she got any satisfaction out of it, but I did!
Of course, I also stopped myself, so that censor is still in place. Today, part of me feels like going into T's office and just crying with her, but intellectually, I don't want to waste that time because I feel like I have so much to go over with T. We like to stand in our own way to healing, don't we?
I can really relate to that feeling of being self-reliant, but I also have that need to be comforted - how to balance them both? I'll let you know if I ever figure it out.
