Hmmmm.... maybe it IS crazy but I'm like that too.
In an email exchange with my T last week I was talking about being nervous about possibly "losing it" during another appointment I had scheduled. She was like, 'is THAT what your really worried about?' "What's the big deal? What's the worst that can happen? The person is a professional? blah, blah, blah... I replied with... YES!!!! having my inner child uncontrollably babble about stuff that may or may not have happened, becoming paralyzed and of course totally bawling all ranked very high on the anxiety scale for me. It's clear these are key therapy fears too. I even made another statement admitting that I don't want anyone to be able to do that to me and know they can do it.

I KNOW I am being totally irrational and paranoid but for some reason I have this belief that if someone knows that they can upset, emotionally destabilize you, or and make you actually cry in front of them... that they then have some invisible power over you and they will use it maliciously! Writing it, it sound totally ridiculous but for some reason my body just does not allow me to just let go and cry in front of other people.