Im looking forward to seeing flat tire t tomorrow. But when I think about it, vacation t cancelled too! I just happen to pick up the call and it was OK to change the day. What is it with these t's?

I dont know what to do now with my current t. I cancelled next monday's appt. (and I told her I was cancelling all thursday appts). She didnt seem to care at all. It will be 2 weeks by the time I have my next scheduled appt. I am assumiing I will like one of the t's I am interviewing, but what do I do from here? Do I tell my t over the phone, after all this time, that I am taking a break? Leaving for good? Have a longer conversation with her onver the phone? Telling her more details about why I dont want to go back? The main issue is money. If I go see her in her office I have to pay cash or use one of my few remaining insurance visits. I prefer to use them on for my interview/new t appts. These appts are expensive.

The phone seems to me like an ungrateful way to end things with her. I would prefer to have a conversation with her. Maybe I should just make the appt and pay for it to talk to her? What the heck would I say? My t doesnt like it at all when I confront her. She barely lets me get the words out of my mouth before she cuts me off and changes the subject. It is very frustrating. She wont let me finish! When I think about going one last time, I would be saying things she is not going to be happy about. The phone could be a short conversation. Really, all I want to say is that I want a break for an indefinite period of time. I dont want to burn a bridge with her or hurt her feelings. I dont think it is necessary to tell her that I perceive her to be uncaring and cold and it triggers painful feelings for me. That her neutral, blank approach adds fuel to the fire. Can I really say these things? That I need a warmer approach? Is using the word "warmer" in that way a judgement of her? I dont want to be judgemental, I would rather keep the focus on my feelings and tell her how she makes me feel as opposed to telling her what he motives are. I really dont know what the heck her motives could be.

I also could avoid it all and tell her Im taking a break and not call her again.....but that would leave it very open-ended for me. That is how I have ended relationships in the past, and I like the drama that creates, but it is more healing for me to sort out what I feel and what I will say.

Any thoughts?

And, after saying all of this, I feel like I am making this big mistake by leaving someone who cares about me (in her way) to search for who knows what. She knows me well and knows details about my family. OK- Ive gotten some weird advice, but she knows them and me.

Didnt I once post about how lousy I am at making decisions?