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eskielover · Sep 21, 2009, 06:59 PM

(((Patricia)))

Quote:

hey Debbie I found her picture. And she had the audasity to point out a few speacks on a glass of tea I gave her ..

Love the picture of your painter.....compared to the splatters all over her face, don't think the speacks on the glass of tea amounted to much.

Quote:

I feel so ineffective
that all Ive done is so selfish and self centered ,
just grabing grabing
I have so little ..
yet i cling to it.

Definitely not the picture I get......I see you as kind & caring person, filled with an overflowing amount of love

, trapped in a world of mean, uncaring & cruel people.

You are definitely not grabbing & no one should make you feel that way. There is nothing wrong with having things to enjoy in life. When we are able to have a few things that we enjoy, it's a picture of appreciation, not of grabbing.

Quote:

It just occured to me ..
that all this runing around

that I don;t have my affairs in order.
No will
911 is my emergencey contact.
I don;t know where my life insurance policey is

Im thinking shpould I cash in my 3000 dollar life insurance for a 1000?
it woud be responsible to not and to designate someone to take care of my mess.
but I don;t know who shoud do that.
Im not sure who shoud be responsible for al this carp of mine ,
I mean any of us could get injured .
Im not ready.

I was thinking maybe I should find out
what happens to homeless people when they die

and right now this all sadens me greatly

I don;t like loking at what the end of my life would be like as it exists today.

I think with the news it starts our mind thinking about things like this even without cancer. Think I am filled with too much optimism, but I don't think I would worry about these things at this point, until I really knew there was a reason to take the action even knowing that accidents can happen. I think at this point is would only add to the negative thoughts you are being surrounded by & filled with which are only tearing at you right now. I think you need to focus your energy on & keep ONLY positive thoughts for your healing going right now & push out & get rid of the negative ones.

Throwing you a life preserver & a life boat filled with love , good thoughts, your own personal angel, & an army of tough guys to fight off the bad thoughts to keep you afloat during this rough time.
(((

)))

Quote:

I know my brother is on the policey

but based on his not contacting me.. after i tild him I have cancer

and based on how he has treated me ovee the years I thik its best as of now to not let him know what happens to me from this point on and to not have him on my policey

Maybe you could put a good charity down a beneficiary....that would be a good positive move also & would be taking your negative brother out of the picture.

Quote:

and my therapist mentioning why do I want to get meds for ADHD.do I want a.. BOOST?

and boy ..
my gp doctor when I tried to talk to her about how I was so frustarted with not geting help for meds.
her response was to make sure i got to the emergencey roon if I felt like hurting someone else or myself.

at this point
i wish ,.. the people I interact with would just npt say this to me ...

I learned also that the Dr's caring for us don't really know how to care for us during the really tough times. It seems that part of the requirement for being a Dr/psychologist/T, is to be insensitive.
When I caught the home care person doing all the horrible things, I called my pdoc (my psychologist wasn't available at the time with back surgery),for advice on how to handle the situation....he told me I probably wasn't seeing things accurately because of the extreme weight loss I was experiencing & that it effects your mind. WTF???? I don't care how sick I feel which was why I wasn't able to eat, I know what I see & what people are doing to me & cut phone chord after catching on the phone appying for a credit care with my Mothers ID & the police accusing me of abusing my Mother were definitely NOT a hallusination!!!! He thought that things like that couldn't possible happen & I was making up the whole thing....like I had never made up anything in all the years I had been seeing him....it wasn't even close to any DX. I was so hurt by his comment couldn't even say anything. The temporary psychologist I was seeing at several months later while my psychologist was out with back surgery, trivialized what happened by comparing it to the bottle of wine that she had wanted from her Grandmothers home that ened up missing. NO WHERE CLOSE in comparison. They are all a bunch of insensitive, rude idiots in my book.....your Dr & T included. They should just not way anything if all they can say is hurtful things....sad thing is that they don't even know they are hurting us (how insensitive can they be???? Wonder how they would take if if they were treated the same way when they face bad times in their life?). I always feel that they will get theirs in the end for being so mean.....it will be returned to them & they will find what it's like when people are mean to them.

Quote:

i wish someone would se me as whole
not as a diagnosis a label thats my wish

I wish I were not so forthcomming

It's not too much to expect to be treated with respect & care, especially by professionals that are supposed to know better....it is not about you being so forthcoming.....we should be able to be open & able to express what our needs are without being treated in such a manner. It is the health care professionals that are lacking & we should not have to be less of a patient because of it. Don't change what is right about you just because of the wrong way Dr's have of handling their care.....we need to fight the systen rather than cave into it.

"And dats da trut!!!!"

Just want to fill you with beautiful, peaceful, loving

, kind, & wonderful thoughts to take away your sadness. Know how much you are cared about