|
Sep 21, 2009, 11:58 PM
|
 |
|
|
Member Since: Jun 2009
Location: Nova Scotia
Posts: 5,146
|
|
I'm really sorry if this disappoints anyone , especially the ones that have come to know me . I really don't think I can take anymore of what my life has been dealing me . I got triggered today BIG TIME,
and it is too long of a drawn out story to even get into. It hit me like a ton of bricks and I spent the last 10 hours lying in bed staring at the ceiling. This has NOTHING to do with ANYBODY
here on this site , it is a personal thing . I managed to somehow walk my dog , which I do everyday NO MATTER WHAT . I met two people on my walk one lady with a dog that looked exactly like mine . She said "Sir , our dogs look like twins " . I looked at her , said NOTHING at kept on walking. I then saw a younger man who said to my dog , "Hi Bud and to me How are you ? I said NOTHING and continued home and went straight to bed . I don't even feel like crying , I feel like I have NO emotions . I haven't eaten all day and don't plan on eating anytime soon. I'm just sick of being nice , faking it . I dislike myself for being human . Not that all humans disgust me , but I'm sure some of you can relate . The biggest worry in my life right now is my dogs , but I thought it over and in reality they would probably be fine if something were to happen to me.
I was on an internet dating site and deleted that account a little while ago (just another thing to get on my nerves). Maybe I'm being selfish , but I don't think I am . I've been pretty much used and walked on ALL my life and I can't see any of that changing because of my personality. I am who I am , too late to change now.
I appreciate ALL your hugs and replies to my threads but I believe I can not or will not change , so you are wasting your kindness and
compassion on someone who doesn't deserve it . Thank you ALL for your support over the past few months , you people are amazing.
I'm not leaving , as of yet , but will not be on nearly as much as before until I can , if I can , get a grip on life in general .
I will reply with hugs when I can , but don't expect anything more.
I just don't have it in me at the moment. I will do the best I can to keep you all updated but can't promise I will be alright .
Life is just one kick in the teeth after another and I can't seem to deal with any of it ANYMORE.
Take care everyone .  
Love Babysteps. 
__________________
 Depression is not a weakness ...... it is a sign that you have been strong for too long.
|